Its been two and a half years since I wrote this, and more than a year since I last felt this way. As far removed as I am from the madness of the cage I lived in, I can still remember the pain, the deception, the shame I felt as I blamed myself for everything, especially for things that were not mine to claim. This is a good reminder though, of how lost I was, and how easy it is to fall into the snares of passionless love and unrequited generosity. I’ll never go back. May this poem be a signpost to remind me of this fact:
When the road winds back on itself,
And if I find the very same face of disappointment
Staring bleakly from the rock in which I carved it,
I come to the realization: My heartaches are my own,
as much a part of my world as it is a part of me.
The bitter taste of being let down,
when I set the bar so as not to be reached.
What a fool I have been, a careless fool.
Such delusions of grandeur while I fiddled away,
against the backdrop of burning Rome
And the sound of your weeping was drowned out,
by the roar of my self-aggrandizement.
Once I reminded you that you had a voice.
What a cruel trick, to hear your thoughts,
only to muffle them and silence you again.
To only want that beautiful voice, to say the words I wanted,
And fail to hear the music of love in each note,
while you gave and gave.
The most beautiful flower on earth,
cannot compete with your splendor,
but at least the flower in the wild is free to grow
I plucked the flower of our love because I wanted to have it.
I should have cherished it for what it was,
nurtured it and enjoyed it as it grew.